"He was still sat there an hour later"

[LFCfan]

Hello folks

I wrote a little story the other day and included the sentence:

He was still sat there an hour later when d’Angerville came out of the Vault’s secret chamber.

One of my readers has very kindly sent me a message saying it sounds wrong to them. Should it be "He was still sitting there..." instead?

I've been rolling both sentences around in my head too much and now neither/both seem(s) right!

Your opinion is much appreciated, and if anyone would like to read a short tale in a medieval fantasy setting (and correct any more of my grammar!) it can be found at the link below. It's flash fiction, ie under 1000 words.

[!]I'd better mention there is a great big gun in the logo of my site, in case you're at work and that sort of thing is frowned upon by your employer[/!]

http://mazzz-in-leeds.com/2010/01/vaultkeeper/

~LFCfan
Short stories, mainly in fantasy/SF settings.
Come along and tell me what you think of the worlds I build!

 

[CajunCenturion]

==> Should it be "He was still sitting there..." instead?
The short answer is 'yes'; sitting is correct. The long answer that the past tense (sat) of a verb (to sit) cannot function as a predicate object whereas the gerund (sitting) may.


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[LFCfan]

Thank you CC.

I carried on thinking about it earlier and realised that what I used was a colloquialism native to Yorkshire, where I have been living for some years now. It didn't sound wrong because I have been accustomed to hearing it.

~LFCfan
Short stories, mainly in fantasy/SF settings.
Come along and tell me what you think of the worlds I build!

 

[jebenson]

You could also correct the original sentence by removing was:

He still sat there an hour later when d'Angerville came out of the Vault's secret chamber.

I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day!

 

[LFCfan]

jebenson,

Thanks. Indeed you could - personal taste comes into it here for me though, and I prefer how "He was still sitting..." rolls

~LFCfan
Short stories, mainly in fantasy/SF settings.
Come along and tell me what you think of the worlds I build!

 

[AngelB]

Just read your piece Maria and was really impressed. I always love it when a short story makes you wish you knew more about its characters and the world of its setting. I'm going to have to go back and read your other work now

Geraint

The lights are on but nobody's home, my elevator doesn't go to the top. I'm not playing with a full deck, I've lost my marbles. Barenaked Ladies - Crazy

 

[LFCfan]

Geraint

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment! Glad you enjoyed it.

In the first comment to that blog post I include a link to another story set in that world (a couple of generations later, maybe). The story is work suitable, but there is one word that maybe work filters won't like

~LFCfan
Short stories, mainly in fantasy/SF settings.
Come along and tell me what you think of the worlds I build!

 

[CajunCenturion]

==> He still sat there an hour later when d'Angerville came out of the Vault's secret chamber.
I prefer "He as still sitting ..." too. To me, the sentence calls for the past progressive tense because you have one action that starting in the past and was continuing when a second action took place.


--------------
Good Luck
To get the most from your Tek-Tips experience, please read
FAQ181-2886
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

 

[LFCfan]

I agree, CC
Also it works better with the rest of the prose in the story, which is a consideration!

~LFCfan
Short stories, mainly in fantasy/SF settings.
Come along and tell me what you think of the worlds I build!