Queens English

[mm0000]

This is an essay written by a candidate for Indian Administrative Exam. I had read this in a newspaper article several years ago. I came across it again recently and still find it extremely funny.

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he give milks, [but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [Horses dont have any such attachment.]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and soforth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, also his other motion.. gober is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza ], in hand, and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.

His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body here upon he gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......

 

[jebenson]

This is a thing of beauty....

I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

 

[MakeItSo]

Reminds me of a German "essay", I have read 10 years ago, and which could be found in a collection of humorous articles, origin unknown, probably German comedian.
Free translation:

"The cow has 2 legs in front, 2 behind, 2 legs left und also 2 legs on the right. The cow has 5 sides: left, right, up, down and a surface. The cow is totally covered with calf leather. That is important, because else the cow fell apart.
At the very front, there is the head, to which the horns are adnate and where there is space for the mouth. The horns are required for prodding and the mouth is needed for mooing. Front is always, where the head is. If the head is on the back, then the cow is standing backwards. On the rear, there is the tail with a brush. With it, the cow chases away the flies for them not to fall into the milk.

You can recognize a cow by its breast, which is under the belly. The cow is falsely assumed to give milk. This is sheer error, you have to give it to it. The milk is hanging under the belly and is adapted for pulling. [...]"



[blue]An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind. - "Mahatma" Mohandas K. Gandhi[/blue]