Obfuscation Challenge 4

[ESquared]

In this thread, you must NOT eschew obfuscation. In fact, you must embrace it.

Take common sayings or objects and convert them to archaic, outlandish, and overblown--but recognizable--speech.

For example, if I say:

Inhabitants of supercooled liquid silicate domiciles ought refrain from casting lithic projectiles.

You know that I am referring to the saying, "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

And if I refer to a

canvas tension structure

you could not possibly miss that I mean a tent. (Ooh, triple the number of words!)

Let's keep it clean, and clever, so the thread does not transport to a flaming netherworld in a small handle-bearing container constructed of dried woven reeds!

 

[ESquared]

My first entry is actually from a friend of mine:

Port and starboard illuminating gesticulators

I like them, at one level, but does a [COLOR=white white]turn signal[/color] actually gesticulate? Anyone have a better way to put it?

 

[CorBlimeyLimey]

Optically illuminated port or starboard direction indicators.

[Cheers]

 

[AnotherHiggins]

This sounds like fun, E². Good to have you back.

How about a
[tab]hinged portal cover?
Or even a
[tab]manual variable lock state hinged portal interface?

[COLOR=white white]door[/color]

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[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

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[MeGustaXL]

Personally, I've always been an advocate of calling a spade a manually operated earth-inverting horticultural implement.

Or a shovel.

Chris

Rule Two: What's in it for me? - My Dad

 

[MeGustaXL]

And as Skip and I have often said in the VBA Forum:

The methods which may be employed to excoriate this grimalkin are manifold!

[white]There's more than one way to skin a cat[/white]

Chris

Rule Two: What's in it for me? - My Dad

 

[snuv]

You may have seen this before but I think it belongs in an obfuscation thread

Political Language
Guaranteed Effective All-Occasion Non-Slanderous Political Smear Speech
By Bill Garvin


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My fellow citizens, it is an honor and a pleasure to be here today. My opponent has openly admitted he feels an affinity toward your city, but I happen to like this area. It might be a salubrious place to him, but to me it is one of the nation's most delightful garden spots.

When I embarked upon this political campaign, I hoped that it could be conducted on a high level and that my opponent would be willing to stick to the issues. Unfortunately, he has decided to be tractable instead—to indulge in unequivocal language, to eschew the use of outright lies in his speeches, and even to make repeated veracious statements about me.

At first I tried to ignore these scrupulous, unvarnished fidelities. Now I will do so no longer. If my opponent wants a fight, he's going to get one!

It might be instructive to start with his background. My friends, have you ever accidentally dislodged a rock on the ground and seen what was underneath? Well, exploring my opponent's background is dissimilar. All the slime and filth and corruption you can possibly imagine, even in your wildest dreams, are glaringly nonexistent in this man's life. And even in his childhood!

Let us take a very quick look at that childhood: It is a known fact that, on a number of occasions, he emulated older boys at a certain playground. It is also known that his parents not only permitted him to masticate in their presence, but even urged him to do so. Most explicable of all, this man who poses as a paragon of virtue exacerbated his own sister when they were both teenagers!

I ask you, my fellow Americans: is this the kind of person we want in public office to set an example for our youth?

Of course, it's not surprising that he should have such a typically pristine background—no, not when you consider the other members of his family:

His female relatives put on a constant pose of purity and innocence, and claim they are inscrutable, yet every one of them has taken part in hortatory activities.

The men in the family are likewise completely amenable to moral suasion.

My opponent's uncle was a flagrant heterosexual.

His sister, who has always been obsessed by sects, once worked as a proselyte outside a church.

His father was secretly chagrined at least a dozen times by matters of a pecuniary nature.

His youngest brother wrote an essay extolling the virtues of being a homo sapien.

His great-aunt expired from a degenerative disease.

His nephew subscribes to a phonographic magazine.

His wife was a thespian before their marriage and even performed the act in front of paying customers.

And his own mother had to resign from a women's organization in her later years because she was an admitted sexagenarian.

Now what shall we say about the man himself?

I can tell you in solemn truth that he is the very antithesis of political radicalism, economic irresponsibility and personal depravity. His own record proves that he has frequently discountenanced treasonable, un-American philosophies and has perpetrated many overt acts as well.

He perambulated his infant on the street.

He practiced nepotism with his uncle and first cousin.

He attempted to interest a 13-year-old girl in philately.

He participated in a seance at a private residence where, among other odd goings-on, there was incense.

He has declared himself in favor of more homogeneity on college campuses.

He has advocated social intercourse in mixed company - and has taken part in such gatherings himself.

He has been deliberately averse to crime in our city streets.

He has urged our Protestant and Jewish citizens to develop more catholic tastes.

Last summer he committed a piscatorial act on a boat that was flying the U.S. flag.

Finally, at a time when we must be on our guard against all foreign isms, he has cooly announced his belief in altruism - and his fervent hope that some day this entire nation will be altruistic!

I beg you, my friends, to oppose this man whose life and work and ideas are so openly and avowedly compatible with our American way of life. A vote for him would be a vote for the perpetuation of everything we hold dear.

The facts are clear; the record speaks for itself. Do your duty.

Snuv


"If it could have gone wrong earlier and it didn't, it ultimately would have been beneficial for it to have." : Murphy's Ultimate Corollary

 

[Dagon]

Rectangular laterally bound multi-leaved inscription-based communication device.

[white]book or magazine[/white]

 

[Foamcow]

Optically illuminated port or starboard direction indicators.

Intermitent state changing optically iluminated port and starboard directional intent identifiers.

<honk>*:O)</honk>
Designease Ltd. - polyprop folders, ring binders and creative presentation ideas
Earl & Thompson Marketing - Marketing Agency Services in Gloucestershire

 

[MeGustaXL]

Intermitent state changing optically iluminated port and starboard directional intent identifiers.

<Hide behind sofa>
(Optional equipment for female drivers)

Can I come out yet?

Chris

Rule Two: What's in it for me? - My Dad

 

[RCorrigan]

At school we were always given the line

I must not be overcome by the exuberance of my own verbosity.

to write out 100 times !!!!!!

<Do I need A Signature or will an X do?>

 

[AnotherHiggins]

The methods which may be employed to excoriate this grimalkin are manifold!

Are you working on your car?

1) electric motorized rotary multi-bladed variable-speed air-moving cooling device
[COLOR=white white]fan[/color]

2) molecularly-active caffeinated-liquid containing hollow vessel with manual appendage
[COLOR=white white]coffe cup/mug[/color]

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[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

Help us help you. Please read FAQ181-2886 before posting.

 

[gbaughma]

Classic stuff.



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[Gooser]

Who absconded with my electro-mechanical computerized input device horizontal and vertical sensor activation spheroid?

 

[AnotherHiggins]

[butthead]
huh huh. You said....mouse balls.
[/butthead]

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[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

Help us help you. Please read FAQ181-2886 before posting.

 

[flapeyre]

Notwithstanding the fact that I make ambulatory progress through the non-illuminated inter-hill mortality slot.. terror sensations shall not be observed within me due to the proximity of the omnipotence.

Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui!

 

[jebenson]

The matutinal avian acquires the invertebrate of the genus Lumbricus, family terrestris.

The early bird gets the worm

I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day! Ye has a choice: talk like a pira

 

[rjoubert]

Has anyone seen my crimson-tinted manually engaged document collating device?

 

[Gooser]

Though the matutinal avian invariably acquires the invertebrate of the genus Lumbricus, family terrestris, however, of the small rodents of the genus Mus who subsequently arrive at the device which holds its victim by springing shut suddenly for taking game or other animals, it is the secondary--rather than the primary--who takes physical control or possession of the morsel of food consisting of the coagulated, compressed, and usually ripened curd of milk separated from the whey.

Though the early bird gets the worm, it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.

 

[Remou]

These are quite good fun:

http://alt-usage-english.org/ucle/ucle11.html