Be certain that you have installed two very recent software upgrades by Microsoft:
1. Directx 9.0a, it solves many NAT traversal problems;
2. The most recent version of Windows Messenger. All flavors were upgraded in the last month.
I have had a great deal of success in upgrading my router's firmware, enabling uPnP on the router, and installing the uPnP client from Add/Remove Programs, Windows Components, Networking, uPnP. uPnP can make life a lot easier solving Messenger problems with a router.
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