How do YOU cope?

[BJCooperIT]

Unfortunately, anybody who has worked for a couple of years has probably experienced having to work with someone you really dislike. Now I do not mean someone who is merely annoying. I am refering to the person who somehow registers on your radar as a total waste of DNA.

That may sound harsh, but not liking someone is not always something you can control. You simply can't force yourself to feel good while working with a person whose behaviour grates against your values or who mistreats you.

I am not asking for advice about how to get management involved. Instead, I would like to know how you get through the work day without being stressed when having to deal with this individual.

FOR EXAMPLE:
[ol][li]I once worked with an individual whose culture had taught him that women were without value except to tend to his needs. Women in the workplace held no value in his mind. When he felt professionaly threatened by one, he would go out of his way in meetings to make her sound like an idiot in front of the boss. He could never admit fault and always bragged about his capabilities. In retrospect, he was not nearly as competent at his job as he thought he was. He left a legacy of poor code and mangled security systems.
[/li]

[li]In the seventies (before management thought sexual harrassment existed and dress codes did not permit women to wear slacks) I had to work with a computer operator whose testosterone levels reached outer space. He would often only run the jobs of the female programmers if they came into the computer room. Then, from his elevated floor, he would try to look down their dresses or wrap his arm around them so that his hand would rest in inappropriate places. If we were at the printer, he would go down to the lower level in an effort to look up our dresses. Today that is grounds for dismissal, but back then management viewed it as a case of "men will be men".[/li][/ol]
I am not just talking about sexual harrassment. I also am talking about the folks who impose their personal opinions (religion, politics, sports, whatever) on you or maybe the bully/ditz/loafer/complainer in the next cube.

How do you cope with a person in your workplace who simply stresses you out just by being there?

^{Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance. ~George Bernard Shaw}
Systems Project Analyst/Custom Forms & PL/SQL - Oracle/Windows

 

[SQLSister]

I have a punching bag at home. It is named after my least favorite co-worker. Very therapeutic.



Questions about posting. See faq183-874

 

[Dollie]

SQLSister,

Something is telling me that either you're my long lost sister, we've worked together or met somewhere before!

I used to have a punching bag hanging in my guest room, and a speed bag hanging on the balcony. They were the best therapy I could have ever gotten. They still didn't help much when having to deal with idiots 8 hours a day.

BJCooperIT
I have a short temper that has taken years for me to get under control, and in the past, I'd just walk out of jobs that became intolerable because of one (1) person. This of course was before I got my tech education OTJ and realized I didn't have to bounce from job to job, I just needed to find that one good job and keep it.

Luckily, where I am now, I will never have to worry about these problems. Our office is small enough that when hiring we look for people we know will be able to work in a diverse, eccentric atmosphere.

The only thing I could recommend with the info you've provided is that you deal as little as possible with this individual. Go out of your way to avoid them. It'll keep your blood pressure down and keep them from getting any ammo to continue being the waste of DNA that they probably are.

 

[DoubleD]

Ignoring a problem usually only makes it worse. If you enjoy your job, but don't enjoy working with a specific individual, find a way to make the relationship better, or quit your job.

Ways to improve the relationship:
Try to understand where the person is coming from and what makes them tick.

an individual whose culture had taught him that women were without value except to tend to his needs

Make him feel that you value his opinion. He will feel less threatened if he feels you're a supportive coworker.

I had to work with a computer operator whose testosterone levels reached outer space.

This individual may honestly have believed that women want that type of attention. Seems ignorant to most people, but may have been what he thought. Help this person understand that although you appreciate his attentiveness, you're not interested in that type of attention as it makes you uncomfortable.

I am a firm believer in addressing personality conflicts. They key is your willingness to accept the fact that part of the conflict is your fault. We choose the situations we put ourselves in, and we choose our reaction to those situations.

Some people may disagree with me, that's the beauty of the human race.

I am what I am based on the decisions I have made.

DoubleD

 

[BJCooperIT]

DoubleD,
What you say has merit - in a perfect world. In today's IT environment, just quiting a job is not always an option.

I tried your suggestions. I acknowledged #1's skills - it simply inflated his ego and made the problem worse. I told the operator that his advances were not wanted, that just made him more determined.

There are definitely situations that we find ourselves in which are not of our choosing.

They key is your willingness to accept the fact that part of the conflict is your fault.

Are you suggesting that by merely trying to do my job by entering the computer room, I was at fault? Sorry, I don't buy it.


^{Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance. ~George Bernard Shaw}
Systems Project Analyst/Custom Forms & PL/SQL - Oracle/Windows
Author and Sole Proprietor of a web store

 

[MasterRacker]

BJCooperIT, Unfortunately I can't offer any constructive help other than suggesting avoidance, but I can back you up in saying that sometimes there is not two-way fault.

I have personal experience with someone who was so convinced of his own infallibility and omnipotence that there was no solution other than duck and cover. I know it wasn't me since I wasn't his only target. In fact, he even went after the board of our parent company. Not everyone can be dealt with - sometimes you just have to avoid them until they go away.

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily...

Jeff
The future is already here - it's just not widely distributed yet...

 

[sedj]

I generally attempt to ignore the person as much as possible. However, there was one bloke where I used to work that I actively worked to expose as the waste of space that he was. Me and a couple of other guys would spend hours writing routines to extract data from the system to prove mistakes he was constantly making. He was not only lame at his job, but also a snitch and 'boss's pet'. He finally got his when the boss had to leave due to incompetence aswell.

 

[Swi]

If you just ignore/avoid the problem it will never go away. I agree with DoubleD. You must confront the person again about the situation and reiterate that you have discussed this before and if something is not done that you will be forced to go to HR. If you let this continue and eventually make you way to HR they are going to wonder why you did not come to them in the first place.

Swi

 

[Dollie]

How large of a company is this? Do you have a mutual manager you can talk to? Is bypassing a direct manager and going to HR an option, or is this a smaller company where the boss is also the HR dept which is also the accounting department?

The size of the company can have a lot to do with it. In smaller companies, it seems that employers will go out of their way to resolve conflicts. It's difficult to find appropriate personnel with only a dozen people in the office. Eccentricities, aggression, psychoses and general bad attitudes usually create tension within the entire group and will eventually damage working relationships. In larger companies, things like that are sometimes missed by upper management and they depend on their teams to let them know if something is wrong.

It sounds as if you work for a larger company, but wanted to be sure!

 

[BJCooperIT]

bDollie,
The operator was at a large company, but a small staff (4 programmers, a manager, 2 operators). The director of data processing was one of the good ol' boys who thought the operator's behaviour was comical. Remember, back then the attitudes towards harrassment were very different than today. Even HR turned a blind eye unless you were physically attacked (groping did not count).

The ego fellow was 2 years ago as a contractor for a state project. That was an awkward environment because he worked for a different consulting firm. The state HR could not reprimand him and his firm was half a continent away. The only "manager" we had in common was our state employed project leader. Personnel issues were not in her scope.

All,
Let's face it, sometimes there is a person you just have to tolerate as best you can. These were examples of that. No one to go to who can help and you must cope on your own.

I have read time and time again on these boards about the those of you who have to put up with the incompetent, the boss's pet, the rude, the lazy, the "stab-you-in-the-back" personalities. Remember, I said I wasn't looking for advice on getting management involved, just how to get through the day with my sense of humor in tact and still enjoy my job from day to day.

^{Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance. ~George Bernard Shaw}
Systems Project Analyst/Custom Forms & PL/SQL - Oracle/Windows
Author and Sole Proprietor of a web store

 

[Dollie]

Actually, even with consulting firms, the HR department of the client company does have some control over their consultants. The consultant usually has to abide by the client rules. I've seen instances where consultants have had to be escorted off site, or have been terminated long distance because of behaviorial (sp?) issues.

And, if you need to keep your sense of humor and enjoy your job aside from the fact that you've got Herb Tarlek (WKRP in Cincinnati) in the office, just picture him in a plaid coat, striped pants, a polka dotted tie and zebra shirt trying to win over the cute receptionist to the Big Guy. May not help, but possibly elicit a giggle or two.

 

[kHz]

In the seventies

30 years! Let it go.

 

[MasterRacker]

Lean back, take a deep breath and close your eyes.

Now visualize yourself kicking them in the face with a flaming, electrified, poison tipped, spiked iron boot.




Jeff
The future is already here - it's just not widely distributed yet...

 

[BJCooperIT]

kHz,
Just because it happened a long time ago does not make it a bad example.

A more recent example then,
On a contract last year I had to deal with one of the incompetent types. Unfortunately he was the boss and it made day-to-day operations very stressful. Imagine bringing in a developer, expecting them to get the job done, but you do not give them a PC with network access. The one thing that helped me stay sane was, believe it or not, Tek-Tips. I did have a lap top with internet access so I spent a good bit of time answering questions on the Oracle threads and taking online classes at SmartCertify.

^{Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance. ~George Bernard Shaw}
Systems Project Analyst/Custom Forms & PL/SQL - Oracle/Windows
Author and Sole Proprietor of a web store

 

[Dollie]

Well, I'm not dealing with anyone irritating except for the aunt who always hand knits sweaters and matching socks for everyone for at least the next 3 days!

Happy Holidays everyone! Keep your collective chins up, stay safe and have a happy, healthy, fun holiday!

 

[BJCooperIT]

Thanks, Dollie. All the best of the season to everyone.
Barbara

^{Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance. ~George Bernard Shaw}
Systems Project Analyst/Custom Forms & PL/SQL - Oracle/Windows
Author and Sole Proprietor of a web store