Hell proof 1

[mscallisto]

Well it seems like a slow day on "Wordplay" so I submit a very clever answer to a very complex question in hope that other similar anecdotes be posted.

Actual question given for mid-term chemistry exam at University of
Washington: "Is Hell exothermic (radiates heat) or endothermic absorbs
heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some
variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we
need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they
are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all
souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

(1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

(2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese
Banyan during my Freshman year, 'That it will be a cold day in Hell
before I sleep with you', and take into account the fact that I still
have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot
be true, and so Hell is exothermic."

The student got the only A.

 

[chessbot]

logical

--Chessbot

 

[SkipVought]

The Final That NEVER Changed

We all know the type: built like Adonis, smart as a pile of rocks, (just because my head is full of rocks, don't take it for granite) and all the girls trip over YOU to get to HIM! His name: Buster “Meathead” Jones, star tackle on the university football team, wrestler, putter of the shot. You get the picture.

And we all know the course that is an automatic A: old professor, moldy syllabus, never notices anyone in class, gives the same tests, INCLUDING the Final Exam.

Well, in all the 47 years the Professor Wimble had taught Religion 101, the number of students who had NOT received an A, could be counted on one finger. So you KNOW that there was a queue 100 miles long of students HOPING to make a quick ace.

Meathead had “put in” for Religion 101 with Professor Wimble for nearly EVERY semester of his 6 years at State U. Now, the LAST semester of his senior year, he was enrolled! That’s when I met Meathead.

We “ran” in different circles. You can imagine how he ran. Most of my “running” had been related to programs in the Computer Lab from 8 PM to 3. You get the picture. Despite the differences in who we were, we seemed to hit it off, first with some casual conversation. I began to see that Meathead was really a nice guy, not the brightest in the bunch, but he did have some depth. We became friends; not quite drinking buddies, though. You get the picture.

Well, after about one week, Meathead and I decided that class was a waste of time, since the ENTIRE grade was the Final Exam, which EVERY Frat House has a copy of. So, we agreed to meet the night before the Final to cram. The Final Exam would be, “Describe the missionary journeys of St. Paul.” We drilled each other, and had it nailed!

At the Exam, I picked up my Test Booklet and took a seat near the back of the room. I noticed Meathead Jones come in and nodded to him as he sat several row away. At the top of the hour, Professor Wimble came in, opened his briefcase and extracted the test papers. As they were passed back, a series of gasps grew, and my face went ashen, I’m sure, when I read the Final Exam Question, “Write a critique of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount.” Within 5 minutes the classroom was nearly as empty as my test booklet. The only other person in the room, besides me, was Meathead Jones. He was writing feverishly. I shook my head in disbelief and shuffled to the front of the room to deposit my meager ramblings along with the other booklets. Why me? Why now? This had never happened before! Oh, well!

Looking back, Meathead was writing like there was no tomorrow. I wondered how he knew anything about Jesus, as he told me he had never attended Sunday School or went to church much. At least I knew what the Sermon On the Mount was, sort of. I managed to fill three quarters of a page. Big deal!

The next Monday, I went by the Professor’s office to get my Final Grade. I looked down the list of names and grades on the posting. Meathead Jones was the ONLY student to get an A. I noticed the test booklets neatly piled on a table and so I shuffled through them, to find Meathead’s booklet.

Here’s how his paper began.

You asked me to write a critique of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. Who am I to criticize the great philosopher, Jesus. I’d rather describe the missionary journeys of St. Paul…..


Skip,
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[SkipVought]

BTW, mscallisto,

I loved it!

Skip,
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[mscallisto]

And I'll your's to my select pile of goodies!!

If only we were that smart!

sam

 

[SkipVought]

A Religion Quiz

Father Malloy wanted to hire as receptionist, but he wanted someone who would have a rudimentary knowledge of Christianity in order to be able to answer simple questions from phone calls and walk-ins.

So he post the job and got applications from three individuals, who he scheduled for interviews.

Father Malloy decided that he would ask each applicant this very simple question, “What is Easter?”

The first one offered, “Isn’t that the holiday where everyone has a turkey dinner and watches football games or sleeps after dinner?”

Sorry, replied Father Malloy.

The second one tried, “I believe that it’s a holiday when everyone decorates a fur tree and exchanges gifts.”

Sorry, replied Father Malloy.

The third stated, “It is a Christian Holy Day that occurs around the time of the Jewish Passover, where the events surrounding the passion of the Christ are remembered and celebrated. Jesus was tried before Pontius Pilate, he was scourged, a crown of thorns was placed on his head, he was forced to carry his cross to Golgotha, the place of the crucifixion, he was nailed to a cross by Roman soldiers, pierced in his side, uttered a series of seven phrases until he died of a broken heart. He was removed from the cross and buried in a borrowed tomb. A large stone was rolled over the entrance and a Roman guard was posted.

Three days later, Jesus came out of the tomb...

...and if he sees his shadow, there’s 6 more weeks of winter.

"That Close!" [sub]Maxwell Smart[/sub]


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[BillyRayPreachersSon]

Does anyone know the origins of the hell / endothermic / exothermic post?

I've seen more copies of that than I care to remember, each one has a different university name, different student name, and different professor name (try searching for it on Google to see what I mean)... But the end tale always has me smiling.

Is it one of these "urban legends" that never really happened (and was simply penned to be funny and mailed around ad infinitum), or was it a tale of woeful lust between two students, spilling over into their exam papers?

Dan

 

[mscallisto]

Very good question Dan

I was first passed to me maybe 5+ years ago and actually the one and only version I've seen. I'll have to join the investigation.


sam

 

[SF0751]

It sounds like an urban legend, but I think that it's a very clever story, anyway.

Susan
"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character."
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

 

[CajunCenturion]

As someone once said, "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story."

Good Luck
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As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

 

[GlennUK]

The following is a question on a physics exam at the University of Copenhagen:

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."
One student replied: "You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that he failed the student who immediately appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct.

The university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.

The arbiter ruled that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. It was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use.

On being advised to hurry up the student replied: "First, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from this formula I have worked out for you on my text paper here."

Then the student added, "But, Sir, I wouldn't recommend it. Bad luck on the barometer."

"Another alternative", offered the student, "is this: If the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer,then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional geometry to work out the height of the skyscraper. On the paper is the formula for that as well."

"But, Sir, if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in a gravitational formula, which I have determined here this time on a long sheet of paper with a very long and complicated calculation."

"Or, Sir, here's another way, and not a bad one at all. If the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."

"But if you merely wanted to be very boring and very orthodox about the answer you seem to seek, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof, and on the ground, and then convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building."

"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."

The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane ever to win the Nobel Prize in physics.



Cheers, Glenn.

"A girl walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre ... so he gives her one.

 

[AnotherHiggins]

GlennUK,

Similar story was posted here: thread1229-866824.

Didn't have the Niels Bohr bit, but that's a nice touch.

Alas, it is an urban legend. But a great story!

John

Every generalization is false, including this one.

 

[SkipVought]

ALSO!!!....

was it typed on an IBM SELECTRIC typewriter,

OR............

was it REALLY composed in Miscosoft WORD!!!????!!!????

Bill Gates MUST be involved in SOME WAY!!!

Ohhhh the angst of it all!!!

Skip,
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[shetlandbob]

this might be an urban myth, but here goes anyway.

University Psychology Paper (2 or 3 questions in 3 hours or something like that?):

Question 1) Define Courage?

answer:

This is courage.

 

[ESquared]

There's also something about a philosophy professor putting a chair on the desk and telling everyone they had two hours to write an essay proving the chair doesn't exist.

I don't remember the exact details of the story, but the best answer was close to:

What chair?

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It is better to have honor than a good reputation.
(Reputation is what other people think about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.)