Epitaphs

[2ffat]

Since this is October and Halloween is just around the corner (I know this because our local super-center has Christmas trees out and a sign that says XX days shopping days left), I though it would be nice to have people list their favorite epitaphs. They can be real . . .
I was not. I was. I am not. I don't care.
. . . or they can be from your favorite fictitious tombstone . . .
Here Lies Warren Peace
and
C.F. Eyecare

Winner gets some (virtual) candy corn. ;-)



James P. Cottingham
I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229!

 

[ANFPS26]

One of my favorites is:

Here lies Less Moore
Four slugs from a 44
No less no more

Jim

 

[Turkbear]

From a hypochondriac:

I Told you I was sick!



To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."

 

[BadBigBen]

Art U. Next
I. M. Gone
M.T. Tomb
Willy Rott

And here some famous ones:

William Shakespeare: Good friend for Jesus sake forbeare, To digg the dust encloased heare! Blest be the man that spares thes stones, And curst be he that moves my bones
Rodney Dangerfield: There goes the neighborhood.
Oscar Wilde: Alien tears will fill for him; Pity's long-broken ern. For his mourners will be outcast men, And outcasts always mourn.


Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"

 

[MakeItSo]

John Laird McCaffery ("your friends") - 1940 - 1995

"John
Free your body and soul
Unfold your powerful wings
Climb up the highest mountains
Kick your feet up in the air
You may now live forever
Or return to this earth
Unless you feel good where you are!
---Missed by your friends"



“Knowledge is power. Information is liberating. Education is the premise of progress, in every society, in every family.” (Kofi Annan)
Oppose SOPA, PIPA, ACTA; measures to curb freedom of information under whatever name whatsoever.

 

[MakeItSo]

That of W.C. Fields is quite nice too:
--------
Here lies W. C. Fields.
On the whole I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
--------

“Knowledge is power. Information is liberating. Education is the premise of progress, in every society, in every family.” (Kofi Annan)
Oppose SOPA, PIPA, ACTA; measures to curb freedom of information under whatever name whatsoever.

 

[IPGuru]

Thats all Folks!

Mel blanc

A Maintenance contract is essential, not a Luxury.
Do things on the cheap & it will cost you dear

 

[Sympology]

One I read about a long time ago.

See, I told you I was ill.

Robert Wilensky:
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

http://alvechurchlounge.org.uk

 

[hjgoldstein]

=> I told you I was ill
Attributed to Spike Milligan.

Aspiring to mediocrity since 1957

 

[ClulessChris]

Richard Burton,
Tom Jones,
Dylan Thomas.... Oh, err Sorry. I read Epic Taff's

Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that!

 

[hilfy]

From a song I learned in High School Chorus class:

Here lies the body of our dear Anna
Done to death, by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that dealt the blow
But the skin of the thing that laid her low.


-Dell

DecisionFirst Technologies - Six-time SAP BusinessObjects Solution Partner of the Year

http://www.decisionfirst.com

 

[hjgoldstein]

I remember a particularly nasty teacher of science who drummed this one into us as an aide memoire:

May her rest be long and placid
Adding water to the acid.
The other did as was taught her
Adding acid to the water

(The same goes for alkalis by the way)


Aspiring to mediocrity since 1957

 

[gbaughma]

... and in hjgoldstein's vein....

Little Johnny was a chemist
Little Johnny is no more
For what he thought was H[sub]2[/sub]O
Was really H[sub]2[/sub]SO[sub]4[/sub].



Just my 2¢

"What the captain doesn't realize is that we've secretly replaced his Dilithium Crystals with new Folger's Crystals."

--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[ANFPS26]

Her's another Boot Hill one:

Here lays Butch.

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.


Jim

 

[Andrzejek]

Here are the Best Epitaphs of All Time from CarTalk.com

My favorite:
A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:

Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.​

Have fun.

---- Andy

 

[snuv]

Here lies the body of Harold Day
Who insisted on his right of way
He was right, dead right, as he sailed along
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong

"If it could have gone wrong earlier and it didn't, it ultimately would have been beneficial for it to have." : Murphy's Ultimate Corollary

 

[JCreamerII]

The best is WC Fields by far. He was on his death bed, and a good friend came in to see him. WC was looking at a bible and his friend said "CW I've never seen you with a bible before and I know you're not religious, what's going on", WC didn't skip a beat and said "Looking for loop holes" as only WC could.

Jim C.

 

[flapeyre]

Here lies the body of old John Day,
Who died defending his right-of-way.
He was right, dead right, as he sped along.
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong."

-- Francis
There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press.
--Mark Twain

 

[voisey]

Here lies the body of Ezra Pound
Lost at sea and never was found

 

[philhege]

There's a good one that begins "Here lies the body of Jonathan Quick..."

Decorum prevents me from revealing the rest here. Let's just say it deals with an anatomical anomaly.

-----------
With business clients like mine, you'd be better off herding cats.