I know you stated that your goal is to have the engine do the work, but is the data really 'clean' if there are that many null values?
Which can't Null values be updated to display what you want for the output?
I'm sure you have a valid business case for not taking this approach, but are there any other ways to attack this problem? For example, if the output is being delivered via web, an XSL stylesheet might be the answer. If your reports are exported to Excel, a VBA macro could handle the job. Last but not least, how about opening up a case with MicroStrategy and sugggesting this as an enhancement and maybe they will step up and hit a home run for you?
Chael