SqlHunter when you are dumping the data from one connection to the other, are you using an Execute SQL task, Transform Data Task or Data Driven query? If you are using the 2nd or 3rd option, try using a "lookup" to see of the record exists first.
If using the Transform Data Task and if the record exists (using Lookup), set Main = DTSTransformStat_SkipRow instead of Main = DTSTransformStat_OK.
If using Data Driven Query and if the records exists (using lookup), set Main = DTSTransformstat_UserQuery and don't perform a command in UserQuery. If record does not exist, set Main = DTSTransformstat_InsertQuery.
I hope this helps!