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Dear friends, it is with mixed emotions that I must report that this saga has come to an end. We were bought out by a competing firm and alas, they laid most of us off, including the kb pounder and myself. So my auditory torture has come to an end, but so has my paycheck. Good luck, good health...

What started the whole stupid mess? I think it was "Mission Statement". I first heard that gem in the early 90s. Gave me the first intimations of the avalanche to come. Other candidates: "Paradigm Shift" "Win-Win

Optics". You can't just say "what does it look like" any more. The correct pm way is now "what are the optics of this (insert pm-babble-speakish noun instead of normal object description)". WHERE do these things originate? WHY do they originate? WHO originates them and WHY are they so opposed to...

Putting aside the question of what the content could possibly be, it's really the frantic nature of her typing that puts me on edge. The high-speed non-stop urgency of it. Manic.

Corollary: only a very VERY small percentage of the population have feet that are suitable for public display. You are most likely not one of these. Please for the love of GOD, have mercy and cover up those hideous hooves of yours.

WHEN and WHY and HOW did it become acceptable to wear beach flops to work? We don't want to look at your nasty feet or hear you FLIPstickflupping around the office all day. Buy some SHOES for God's sake.

You're right, I made this all up, she does stop typing sometimes. When she goes to the bathroom.

good rendition of her.

Ok I'll ask her if I can record her psychotic incessant pounding on her keyboard. [pc2]

Video. This person is manic. We're all afraid of her. And why would i make something like this up? I'm not crazy. She is.

It's not bs. the compulsive typing is most likely work related. here's an example/clue to the problem. a normal person will respond to a yes/no email with either a yes or a no, right? maybe a few words more. with her it will be 15 pages of blathering about any and all things related to the...

She NEVER. STOPS. TYPING. EVER. Like 10 high speed JACKHAMMERS. Except to crack her knuckles. Or FLIP-RUN-FLOP to the PRINTER.

It's not a matter of wanting to KNOW, we just want it to STOP because it's driving/driven us INSANE.

Update: no change. The high-speed keyboard punisher is still at it. All the letters are completely worn off her keyboard (no lie I've seen it). Still to date no one knows what the content of such a ginormous body of work could possibly be. Estimates vary but most agree it is equal to or greater...

The real world translation of the sentence is, "We need to train our people so our competition doesn't kill us!" Yes. I just can't understand why people just can't talk normally anymore. But I strongly suspect it all started back in the 90s when what I call "non-actual work doing" people (PMs...

Thank you for reaching out to me. I will ping you back as soon as I manage our expectations regarding our talking points on the core competencies of our cloud resources.

Thank you for empowering me to enable digital transformation across the enterprise. That's my takeaway anyway.

Everybody must stop saying "going forward"!!!

She's a keyboard virtuoso!

It's a typing addiction, that's all I can determine. For example, a normal response email to "did you do x?" would be "yes" or "yes I did x". But from her it will be a hundred (or more) word response typed out at a furious, frantic pace. Lots of complaining. It's not programming, we're object...