Weasel Words 4

[2ffat]

File this under, "You Learn Something Everyday." I just learned that those nebulous phrases you often hear from politicians and statisticians (ok, maybe not) have a name, Weasel Words.

Can you think of any more examples?


James P. Cottingham
-----------------------------------------
[sup]I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229![/sup]

 

[chiph]

Do managers and CEOs count?

Chip H.


____________________________________________________________________
www.chipholland.com

 

[SantaMufasa]

Nothing is more effective than Bayer Aspirin at getting rid of your headache.

It's TRUE...if I do nothing it is more effective than Bayer at getting rid of my headache.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[LNBruno]

Do managers and CEOs count?

Of course: one million dollar parachute, two million dollar parachute, three...

< M!ke >
[small]Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?[/small]

 

[wahnula]

Reminds me of "World famous"...how the heck do you know??? Does Mr. Bernard World of Panama City, Fla. say you're famous???

...or "award winning..."

What award??? I wanna know what stinkin' award!!!

I need to lie down...



Tony

Users helping Users...

 

[SamBones]

I had a friend visiting from Australia try some of my Chili and she said she liked it, so I started referring to it as my "Internationally Acclaimed Chili". Sounded quite grand, I think. I wasn't lying was I? At least I didn't say "World Famous".

 

[JBinQLD]

She came a long way for a chili - it must have been good

JB

 

[jebenson]

Did someone mention chili?

************************************************************

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy @*$%, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting $&!#-faced from all the beer.

CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb lady is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. $*@&%?! Rednecks! ! !

CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my @$$ with a snow cone!

CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

FRANK: You could put a $*@&%?! grenade in my mouth, pull the $*@&%?! pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my $*@&%?! mouth. My pants are full of lava-like #*@&, to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

FRANK: (Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report).

I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day!

 

[SantaMufasa]

JEBenson...truly a

-worthy post! I can honestly say that in my 5 1/2 years as a member of Tek-Tips, I have never laughed as hard as I did when I read your post.



Thanks for starting my day off right!

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”

 

[Opieo]

Very nice indeed.
I have a hankerin to try some of those chilis. =)
... To try some of that chili.
..... .. Those chilis.
Some of that them there chili variety.

~
“Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky, and loaded with danger.” — Ace Ventura.

 

[philhege]

JEBenson wins the Internets for at least a week. Yours is quite possibly the first Tek-Tips post I've ever forwarded to my All list!

Bravo, sir. And I've had the chili too!

Phil H.
Some Bank
-----------
Time's fun when you're having flies.

 

[Trevoke]

I received that email about the chili contest a long time ago. I read it every six months or so and tears come out of my eyes. Similarly, this is possibly the only forward which I've forwarded with trust it would not be ill-received

Tao Te Ching Discussions : Chapter 9 (includes links to previous chapters)
What is the nature of conflict?

 

[Michael52x]

In addition to weasel words, there is "smarmy", a Brit term.
To which I attatch to almost anything said by a politician.
Also: Oily, Slick as Snot, and the ever popular Bullshitter!
That could be a good name for a chili!

"Impatience will reward you with dissatisfaction" RMS Cosmics'97